Friday, April 9, 2010
Annie is making really good progress and the doctors have been saying all week that she is close to coming home. At the beginning of the week, I assumed we would be home by now, but now my best guess is that she will come home Sunday or Monday. I have learned that they don't like to define what they mean when they say "close," so I could be wrong again. She has been switched to the oxygen assistance that she will come home on and transitioned without any problems. She is doing much better with her bottles and with breastfeeding- taking almost all of her meals without needing to be fed or supplemented through the tube. She needs to go 48 hours without using the tube before she can come home. She also needs to gain weight (she has lost a little bit on two of the last three days).
I'm not sure what it is about Fridays that makes me cry, but today the tears came again. On the way to the hospital, I was feeling sadness for Annie and all that she is facing. Every day, every breath, every swallow feels like a fight that she has to win. She has to work so hard to do all the things that came so easily to my other kids. I am sad that she is facing such serious and intense surgery in just a few short months. Of course, as I am feeling these things, I am thinking about how much worse it could be, how much worse we thought it would be and then I feel guilty for not focusing on all the blessings that I know we have received. If there is one word to describe how I have felt since the day she was born it is gratitude; gratitude for all that has and all that has not happened in the last ten days. Most days, I really do just feel grateful, but sometimes I still feel sad and today was one of those days. After spending several hours with Annie, I said goodbye and left to come home. When I got to my car, I checked my phone and realized that I had missed three calls from a number I did not recognize. I called the number and the nurse practitioner that is taking care of Annie answered the phone. Of course, my first thought was that something must be wrong or she wouldn't be calling me three times in a row when I just left the floor so recently. She was calling with news, but this was really good news. Annie's chromosome testing came back today and everything looks fine- she does not have DiGeorge Syndrome! Once again, the tears came, this time out of relief and happiness. In my heart, I really thought the test would come back negative, but the worry was always there under the surface. So now I cried all the way home, this time feeling nothing but thankful for how blessed we are (and thankful that my car has tinted windows).
Posted by Amy Sabin at 5:06 PM