Her Eyes

Overall, Annie is doing well. After the surgeon closed her chest on Sunday, she struggled some throughout the rest of the day. However, her chest is still closed and, since Monday, her blood pressure has been mostly ok. Her heart has maintained a normal rate and has had fewer arrhythmias over the last 24 hours. They are starting to wean her off of some of the medications she is on. Everyone's focus is still on getting rid of all that fluid. I don't think anyone would have guessed that 12 days post surgery, we would still be watiting for her to let the fluid go. This is so important as it will mean that the massive inflamatory response her body is having because of the surgery is finally subsiding. The hardest part of the last two days has been seeing her in pain. Her blood pressure does better when she is on less pain medicine. So, while they don't want her to hurt, they need to keep her blood pressure at an acceptable level. When she cries, she does not make any sound because she is on the ventilator, but her eyes and facial expressions say it all. Her silent cry hurts my heart and often times I cannot help but join her- thank goodness her room is well stocked with kleenex. When she is not in pain, I love to see her eyes. For many days following the surgery, they were so swollen that she couldn't open them at all. Seeing them now makes me feel like I have a little piece of her back. Not being able to hold her is even harder than I anticipated it would be. I am so looking forward to the day when I can wrap her in a blanket and rock her and have her close to me again. But, for now, at least I have her eyes. The doctor told me yesterday that she is way overdue for some good luck. She has had such a rough recovery- harder and longer than anyone anticipated. Before she was born, I prayed that she would be a fighter- strong enough to endure whatever would come. It hasn't taken her long to prove herself. We are indeed grateful for her fighting spirit (and those beautiful eyes).