ANNIE GRACE SABIN - March 30, 2010 - August 1, 2010

ANNIE GRACE SABIN - March 30, 2010 - August 1, 2010


Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Dear Annie

Today has been another big day for Annie. The surgeon decided to close her chest this morning and again we waited in her room, anxious for news from the OR. The surgery team coordinated with the ENT doctor so that he could again do a bronchoscopy and see how occluded her bronchus was when her chest was closed. After the surgery was complete we met with Dr. Burch who let us know that the bronchoscopy showed that her bronchus was more occluded following today's closure than it was following the surgery on Thursday (it is approx. 35-40% open today and was 50% open following Thursday's surgery). This is still better than it was before the surgery on Thursday, as it had been 100% occluded, but we will have to wait and see if it is open enough for Annie to breathe and not trap air. More waiting! The doctors feel like they will have a fairly good idea in the next couple of days of how her lungs are doing and how well she is moving air in and out of them. Everyone wants this to work and for Annie to get better. No one wants it more than me

While I have never believed that everything happens for a reason, I am absolutely sure that some things do. Most of you know that Annie was never part of our plans. After we had Hadley, my motto became, "Five is a lot!" I must have said it ten times a day. Every time someone would ask how things were with the new baby, I would answer, "Five is a lot!" It shouldn't be hard for you to imagine my reaction to a positive pregnancy test 7 months later. To put it mildly, I felt completely overwhelmed with the idea of having another baby. I didn't even know about her heart at the time, and I was questioning my ability to juggle life with another little one. A few months later, after I had finally adjusted to the reality of another child, we were told the devastating news that she had very serious heart defects. While the Spirit had previously testified to me that this new baby would be a blessing in our lives, that day, I knew for sure that she was no accident and her broken heart was not just a sad coincidence. She was meant for our family. She had a mission that was unique and specific to those that would come to know and love her. I was blessed to know that her imperfect body would serve to soften hearts and bless lives. A while back, I mentioned a Saturday morning when I set two goals for myself. I wrote about the first goal and said I would share the other one another time. The second goal I set that morning was to help Annie fulfill her mission. I decided then that I would do everything in my power to help her life be a blessing to others. I would not let my own sadness and grief stand in her way. I started her blog with this goal in mind. I knew that I would have so many experiences with her that would bless me, but I wanted to share her life with anyone that wanted to be a part of it. Annie doesn’t have a voice right now- she can’t even make a sound because she is on a ventilator. This blog is my tribute to her and all that she is teaching me, even in her silence. This road with her has, at times, been almost unbearable, as I have watched her suffer through so much. But, it has also been a sacred and sweet chapter in my life. Annie is amazing. I feel so privileged to be her mom. I hope this blog helps you feel her strong and valiant spirit. Knowing that she struggles so we can benefit and grow sometimes seems unfair. I worry about the days when my ten and fifteen and twenty-five year old Annie cries because she is afraid to have, yet another, open heart surgery or is frustrated and sad because of limitations inflicted on her because of her defective heart and airways. Will she know what a gift her life has been to others? Will she know how many people love her and have prayed for her and have fasted for her? Will she know how many lives she has touched with her journey? Of course, Cameron and I will tell her about the amazing outpouring of support we have received. We have been deeply touched by the love you have shown to us and our sweet Annie. I feel like she belongs to all of us, and I am just the lucky one that gets to be her mom. I want our extended families to know how blessed we feel to have you in our lives. I want our ward to know that you have become our family through this. I want our friends to know the same. To anyone who reads this blog, whether you know us personally or not, your love and prayers for our Annie are so meaningful to us. To all of you I want to say thank you for loving us through this time. Your comments on this blog, your cards, letters and emails, your phone calls, your prayers, love and endless service to our family has helped us to never feel alone in this. You have lifted our spirits and been angels in our lives. We know so many people are praying for and loving our daughter. I want to preserve this outpouring of love for her to experience when she is older and am asking for your help to give this gift to Annie. If you read this blog, then I know you care about her. I want to make a special book for her that she can pull out on the hard days ahead and feel what I feel all the time right now- wrapped in your love. Just write Annie a note- it can be anything: a time when you have prayed for her, that you love her, or have been touched in any way by her life. It doesn’t need to be long- a single sentence will even do. Even if you have never met her or our family, please don’t hesitate to send me a line, as I am touched that you are keeping tabs on her. It has been humbling to hear of the children and youth that are praying for Annie and I would love to hear from you as well. I know that she will be blessed and strengthened to know how many people love and care about her. This is the best way I can think of to thank this beautiful girl for the spirit that she shares with everyone. You can post your note here in the comments section or email it to me at Just begin it with “Dear Annie” as this is what I intend to title the book. Thank you for your love- it has blessed us more than you will ever know.


  1. That is so beautiful Amy. We pray for Annie every day and just feel so lucky to know your amazing family. We love you guys!


  2. Amy,
    You have an amazing ability to express your feelings :) She is beautiful and I appreciate you for sharing her story (even though you made me cry!). Our family has already been praying for Annie and we will make it more of a point to remember her. We hope things go well for all of you.

  3. Amy,
    That was beautiful....and now I'm crying. Your strength, faith and courage inspires me.

  4. Amy,
    This is Sharon Sabin's sister-in-law, Mindy. We've met a couple times. I just wanted to let you know that you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. YOU are a special person and Heavenly Father knew you and Cameron and your children would be just what Annie needed through her journey. You are inspirational and so is she. Thank you.
    Mindy Jespersen

  5. Dear Annie

    I met you and your mommy in the CICU while my little boy had his heart surgery. I was so lucky to be able to come and see and get to meet your mom.
    I believe in my heart that you came here on earth knowing all that you would have to endure to live and you wanted the chance to be with your family you knew it would be hard but you were such a special spirit beyond any one else............ that heavenly father gave you this challenge and you wanted to be here to over come it
    As I have followed you through your blog I have prayed for you and cried for you.........
    Your mom has shown me what strength she has and what a amazing women she is.
    I pray for you and send you my love as you grow. wishing you happiness joy and peace..............
    Ivy Murphy mother to Connor

  6. Dear Annie:
    We want you to know how much the Madison Murphy has prayed for you,and your family. You have touched are life in so many ways with though beautiful eyes,and that sweet face. How you are a light to so many people. You do talk to people though your wonderful spirit. You are guiding them to be happy,and enjoy life,and to have fun with the journey. Thank you for sharing. Murphy's

  7. This one's for Annie...

    Dear Annie,

    You don't know me, but I have a little boy who was in the CICU at the same time as you. He also has serious heart problems and has had a lot of complications. My husband, John has been talking to your parents for a few weeks and I wanted to meet them. When I walked into your room I was overcome with a beautiful, sweet, STRONG spirit. I immediately wanted to walk over to you and hold you! Of course I couldn't do that and I tried not to look at you because I didn't know if your mom would want a stranger staring at her little baby :) But I sensed an amazing spirit inside your little, struggling body. I know your physical limitations are hard. They're painful and worrisome, but I also know that Heavenly Father loves you! He will be mindful of you and he will do ANYTHING for you if you stay close to him. Your family is so very blessed to have you! I am blessed to have my little Ammon and I wouldn't trade him for anything - I know your mom will feel the same. You have so much to teach them. Be patient with them and love them as only you can. I will be praying for you!
    Love, Suzi Speth

  8. Dear Annie,

    I have never met you or your family personally. I came upon your mom's blog by accident. However, the picture of you labeled "Bright Eyes" captured my heart and I felt the need to say a little prayer to God for you and your family.

    I come here every day looking for an update and always hoping it's some good news. Please know that you are in my heart and I try to send good & healing thoughts your way.


  9. Dear Annie,

    We have never met and I don't know your family, but through this blog I have read and cried watching you during your journey. I have also seen what a strong Mommy you have! She is filled with the spirit and wants the world for you. She doesn't know but her faith and courage gives me such hope in my own trials I face.

    As for you Annie you are such a beautiful strong little girl!! Keep getting better and show the world that miracles happen everyday! We always keep you and your wonderful family in our prayers!! Heart hugs from one heart family to the other.
    mom to Kylie HLHS

  10. Dear Annie Grace,
    You are loved by more people than you can possibly imagine. And as your mom mentioned, it is true that all of us who read about you here love your more than you will ever know. You have the most wonderful mother in the world, and I can say that with certainty because I know her very, very well. I have actually known her for just over 35 years now, and she has been a huge part of my life. I cry every time I read the words she lovingly writes here in this treasure she is creating for you.

    I read what she wrote here about your life being a gift to those of us who know you, and I want you to know the truth of those words. Your struggle and your little fighting spirit have touched me deeply and I am somehow changed. I pray more now, and always for you and for your family. I think more about the things that really do matter in this short time we all spend here on Earth. I am learning patience.

    One day, not too long ago, the nurses all left your room and I got to hold you for almost 2 hours and softly sing little songs to you, taking care not to let my tears fall upon your lovely little face. Every few minutes you opened your eyes wide and looked straight into mine.
    It was one of the sweetest times of my life.

    Annie, I do believe that your struggle has purpose and meaning, and I feel so badly that you are suffering so that we might grow. I am praying for your help with a little miracle I need in my life. I love you with all my heart, my broken heart for all that you are going through.

  11. Sweet little Annie,
    You are a ray of sunshine. You are sooo beautiful and we are so blessed to know you through this beautiful blog that your Mom has put together. Thank you for letting us get to know you and your beautiful family. Annie, I know that you will heal because Heavenly Father is in charge and he ONLY wants the best for us. You were a very valiant spirit in the pre-existence...this I know. I love you you beautiful sunshine girl. I know you will stay strong and pull through all of this because that is who you amazing strong spirit. I know that other testimonies are getting strengthened at this time because of you. I love you so much!
    Tammy Anderson and Family

  12. Dear Annie,
    We have not had the privilege of meeting you yet. We hear about your struggles only through stories. Those stories touch our hearts and we pray for you and your family daily. It's difficult to comprehend who you were before coming into your earthly body. But we can only imagine you are a very, very special daughter of God. Your family is wonderful. Keep being strong!
    the Jespersens

  13. Dear Annie
    I have not had the good fortune of meeting you in person, but feel strongly that I know you through conversations I have had with your Gramma Teri...she is my sister! I DO know your sweet family, however, and have always adored them, even if from a distance. Amy and Cameron, your mom and dad, have always been such a positive influence in my family's lives. My children, Ali, Jenner and Whitnee are YOUR mom's cousins. We ABSOLUTELY LOVE spending time with them at family outings and reunions and can't wait to read your mom's annual Christmas letter about your brothers and sisters and what havoc they all wreak, well, maybe just a little mischeif?? You are a lucky girl to have been born into such an amazing family.
    Annie, our prayers are ALL with you...I think about you often and pray for your and your wonderful family while you struggle through whatever journey your Heavenly Father has planned for you all. No, it doesn't seem fair, but what your mom said about "helping your life be a blessing to others" makes as much sense as anything we earthly spirits can comprehend. I am sure YOU know more than any of us! What a special little gal you must be!!No wonder you have been sent to your momm she is just as incredible!! I am sure you can feel her strength and passion as you spend time with her each day. Cameron, your dad, is about as good as it gets in the "dad" department, too. Please help them know how loved they are and how much we care!

    Our prayers are with you!
    "Aunt Jeanie"

  14. Dear Annie,
    In this world of uncertainty and in God's unfailing wisdom, with whatever the future to come, I know this: You are Loved. A perfect life in imperfection, the bitter made sweet. . A Mother's unselfish Devotion, a Fathers embracing Love, the prayers and faith of strangers, all savoring the message you bring.
    You lie there, like some new flower, beautiful and ready to blossom, living inside those who Love you, waiting for a journey shared.
    I know your Grandma Teri the best. She whose heart you have swept away with soft sounds and the communing of unspoken words, her own reflection in your eyes, caught in each moment spent together. A perfect life in imperfection, the shared rhythm of hearts. Mothers and daughters, one breath, one heart beat, each belonging to each other, becoming one.
    You are truly Cherished, for I know this kind of Love, taught by a beloved son, whose brief life filled my heart as well, my very soul, with joy and hope, and with the same gift and message you now bring to others.
    Grandma Teri's Favorite, Tony

  15. Dear Annie,

    We miss you already!
    Cruz and I were your neighbors in the CIUC for a couple weeks.
    We loved hearing of your progress and praying for you. We know you are a special girl with a special purpose.
    You have a great family and will do so well in life with your determination.
    We love you!
    The Garffs
    We hope things continue to go well for you.

  16. dear annie,
    you are amazing. i have not yet met you but i hope to soon. I met your family just last summer right before your mom was pregnant with you. I am your aunt sharon's niece and have been living with her in Utah during all this time. I am here first hand to hear about your ups and downs and struggles. I know that you have such a special purpose here on this earth annie and I hope that you know what a difference you have made on so many people's lives, mine included. I hardly ever read your blog because I cry my brains out when I do, but it is so amazing. your mom definately loves you so much as well as the rest of your family and even strangers that you don't even know. you are such a beautiful little girl with an amazing spirit. I can't wait to meet you!!! love you!!!

  17. Dear Annie:
    I came across this website by accident and I am so glad that I had the chance to read your story.

    You and your family are an inspiration to all of us.

    Here it is December and the Holidays' are upon on us. We have so much to be grateful for, each and every one of us. This is a time to reflect on all our blessings.

    Your story again, is an inspiration; and I truly enjoyed reading about your life,you are truly a miracle; seeing your beautiful face brought a smile to mine.

    Wishing you well today and everday. Have a very Happy Holiday.